Sex & Sunday School

Jen and I have have been very involved in our Sunday school class for many years. We served as directors for 8 years. Our department started as the young married couples with no kids, and is now the not so young with quite a few kids. Last year we stepped down as directors of the department. After stepping down, we were informed that that some allegations had been made against me by a class member. An unnamed woman had come forward to the new director of the class and claimed that I had sexually harassed her. According to the unnamed woman, I had touched her arm inappropriately and complimented her by telling her that she looked nice.

Needless to say, I was shocked by the accusation. I have no doubt that I have told a few of the women in our class that they looked nice on a particular day and I might have even touched their arm. So, guilty as charged. But, I was shocked by the accusation of sexual harassment based on that behavior. Sexual harassment takes many forms and means different things to different people. Meaning a behavior might be taken as sexual harassment by one person and not another. So, bottom line, I had made the unnamed woman uncomfortable by my behavior. I was sorry and wanted to apologize.

So far, I have been unable to do that. I do not know who to apologize to. The unnamed woman has not made herself known to me. So, every week at church, in class, or at a Sunday school or church function, I wonder if the woman that I offended is present. Jen and I have gone through the entire class, past and present, and come up with a few candidates based on what we know. This has made for some interesting and odd situations.

For example, last fall, about a month after I was made aware of the allegation, the entire class was invited over to a couple's house for dinner and to watch a football game. Jen and I thought that the wife was a possible candidate. Not knowing if the wife was the accuser and not wanting to make her uncomfortable if she was, I called the husband. It went something like this:

Me: Hey, what's up?
Husband: Not much, what's up with you?
Me: Not much, by the way, does you wife think that I have sexually harassed her?
Husband: No, it was not her, but we have heard about that.

That last line infuriated me. I was glad that it was not his wife, but the fact that the unnamed woman was going around telling other people was ridiculous. I had been assured by the director that according to the accuser, she had only confided in the director. According to the director, the accuser wanted the director to know why they had left the Sunday school class. The director felt responsible to notify me due to the nature of the accusation.

Apparently the accuser did not feel comfortable coming to me and discussing the incident, but she felt comfortable telling others in the class about the incident. I was less than pleased. Sexual harassment is a very serious accusation. Especially when you are a leader in a couples Sunday school class.

That brings us to yesterday at church. No, I still do not know the identity of the accuser. But, I had an interaction with another possible candidate. In fact, the leading candidate in our eyes. We were dropping off Addy at her Sunday school class and I looked to the left and saw the candidate. She smiled at me, and then called me over to her. She asked me to look into another classroom to see if her son was crying. I checked on her son and he was fine. We said goodbye to each other and I walked back to Jen. My first words were "That was weird". That was my second interaction with that candidate since I learned of the accusation. After the first, I was convinced it was her. Now, I am not so sure.

Thankfully, I do not dwell on the accusation anymore. I have altered my behavior. No more random compliments and I definitely do not do anything crazy like touch someone's arm. I would welcome the opportunity to discuss the accusation with the unnamed woman. However, I do not think that will ever happen.