Girlfriends, attorneys, and copious amounts of alcohol do not mix well

We volunteered to check by with a unit that had been dispatched to an assault in progress. The location was a nice steakhouse on Westheimer. When we arrived, there were quite a few people standing in the parking lot. The primary unit was escorting one of the participants across the parking lot to his patrol vehicle. She was carrying two purses and was having difficulty walking. Once she realized that she was going to sit in the backseat, she began sobbing. His partner found the other participant in the assault, and was escorting her across the parking lot as well. She was also having difficulty walking. As they were walking, the officer smoothly took out his handcuffs and had her restrained before she knew what was happening. Once she realized, she started thrashing about and yelling. She was placed in the backseat of a different patrol vehicle. Since this sounded a little interesting, two training units decided to take over, B & me.

Our two rookies interviewed the valet, the steakhouse managers, and the two females. This is what they think happened. The two women went out to have dinner and drinks at the steakhouse. They both arrived in the same vehicle. Sometime during the course of dinner, but definitely after quite a few drinks, the round female stared getting vulgar and belligerent. The thin female heard enough and the two females began fighting inside the steakhouse. The staff broke up the fight, and asked them to pay their bill and leave. The females (I will refer to them as "10" from now on because they looked like the number 10 standing next to each other) decided that sounded reasonable. 10 paid their bill and went outside to the valet. The valet, who makes his money on tips, noticed how intoxicated 10 appeared and refused to give them their keys. 10 reacted by yelling at the valet. The valet got the steakhouse manager, which turned out to be three different people, how many people does it take to manage a steakhouse? So now it was 10 on 3. Sometime during the course of the argument with the managers, 10 turned on each other. The fight was on and the managers had to separate 1 from 0.

0 told my rookie, JS, that she used to be in the House of Representatives, and that she is currently in law school. 1 told the other rookie that she recently retired from being a flight attendant and is currently a practicing attorney. She said that 0 is an attorney and her girlfriend, not that kind of girlfriend, but her girlfriend. Clear as mud. Usually that means 1 and 0 are a couple, but not yet ready for primetime. We transported 0 to jail and she was silent all the way there. B and his rookie transported 1 and she asked questions incessantly. "Where are we going? When will I get out? Why am I going to jail? How long do I have to stay? etc..."

1 was processed first. As we were waiting for 0 to be processed, we noticed a commotion through the glass. We looked over to see 1 being "handled" by a female jailer. 1 did not want to go where she was supposed to go, so she was put there by the jailer. Once she stood back up, 1 started yelling. "I am an attorney. I am going to sue HPD. I want out of here. Open the door. Let me out." Then she looked through the glass at us. She thought that we had the ability to open the door and let her out of jail. Hello 1, we put you in jail, why would we let you out now? Obviously from your recent actions, you not in control of your mental and physical faculties. In other words, you are smashed, blitzed, tanked, inebriated, intoxicated, loaded, soused, ripped, tipsy, befuddled, stupefied, dissipated, plastered, bombed, slammed, or just plain drunk.

There is rarely a dull night, and always plenty of things to make me laugh.

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