Other people's tragedies

At work I often see people at their worst. They have just lost a loved one, been in a major traffic accident, had their house broken into, or just been robbed, assaulted, or raped, to name a few. I have been trained to remain detached. I am able to be compassionate and considerate, while still doing my job and not allowing the situation to effect me emotionally. It sounds callus, but it is a necessary trait for a patrol officer. Fortunately for me, I am able to essentially forget the incident once my shift is over. That is to say that very few if any calls or things that I see at work bother me later. I rarely even think about the tragedies that I see at work once that shift is over. I am very thankful for this ability. 


However, I have a strange addiction to cancer blogs. I am sure that most of you have seen or heard of these before. Someone is sick and they start writing about their experiences. Sometimes it is the actual sick person writing, sometimes it is the spouse, or even the parent of the patient. I would think that it very cathartic for the person to share their experience while at the same time relating with others. I do not actively go out and look for these blogs. They are easy enough to find. Most major hospitals have Web sites that they provide for patients to share their experiences. Then there is blogforacure, livestrong, and many, many, more sites where people share their stories. When I run into trouble is when for one reason or another, I happen upon or am directed to one of these sites.


A couple of years ago I was reading a post on one of the knife forums that I used to frequent. The post was asking for prayers for a sick relative and had a link to their Web site. I made the mistake of clicking on the link. It happened to be the story of a child with cancer. I sat at the computer and read for over an hour. Jen walked in the bedroom could not help but notice me crying. She did the logical thing and asked me what was wrong. I gave her a brief description of the what I had been reading and asked her if she wanted to read. She declined and I completely understood. If I found her so effected by a story about a complete stranger that she was weeping, I would not want to read that either.


I use the micro-blogging service Twitter. I do not post very often, but I follow a number of people that are involved in fields or pursuits that I find interesting. Leading up to this year's Tour de France, I decided to follow Lance Armstrong on Twitter. He is a very active Twitter user. One of his tweets referenced Fatcyclist . I thought that was a strange name, so I clicked on the link. Another mistake, but this time I was at work. I started reading his story. His wife has cancer, they have young children, he deals with it by cycling. My probationary at the time is writing a report in the car, and I am in the passenger seat tearing up. He looked over at me and asked what was wrong, and I said that my allergies were bothering me. I can't tell the rookie that I am reading a cancer blog and starting to cry. 


Then last night I receive and email from a friend replying to a prayer request that Jen asked me to send out. It turns out that she had been praying for the same woman and she sent me a link to their family blog, The Sullivans. In summary, Jen's fourth grade teacher gave birth to a daughter, Sara, while Jen was in fourth grade. Well, Sara has breast cancer and gave birth to a healthy girl about a week ago. Sara and her husband were able to take their daughter home. But two days later, Sara started having a seizure that would not stop. She was taken to the hospital, put into a coma to stop the seizures, and then died a few days later. The funeral is this coming Saturday. Once again, I was mesmerized by the blog. I read every word. 


I find it very interesting that I am able to detach myself from things at work, but when reading these personal stories, I am transported into their lives. I find myself imagining what they are going through and putting myself in their shoes. I wonder how I would react in the same circumstances and question why some people have to face these trials. And then I deal with it the only way that I know how, I pray for that family and thank God for mine.