Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Small talk
Hi. How are you? How was your day? How are your children? How is your spouce, mom, dad, brother, sister? Did you have a good week? Do you like your new job? How are you feeling? How was your vacation? How was school? Why do we ask these questions? Are we trying to start a conversation? Do we want to hear the truth or are we just being polite? Does the possibility of silence make us uncomfortable? How do we answer those questions? Are we truthful with our answers or do we just say "fine"? Everyday we encounter our spouse, our children, friends, co-workers, our parents, acquaintances, strangers, or any combination of the those people. Everyday we ask, are asked, and answer one or all of those questions or similar questions. Why do we ask these questions to those that we encounter? Most of the time it is just to be polite unless we are talking to those that we really care about. We ask the questions because we are expected to ask the questions. Do we want to hear the truth when we ask these questions? That probably depends on who we are talking to. For example, do we really want to hear "I feel like crap. I have a headache, my feet hurt, I have irritable bowel syndrome, and I am wondering if I am coming down with the swine flu. I have gained 20 pounds. I feel like a beached whale and I can not wait to eat another snack cake. My son did not learn anything in second grade and I am having to teach it all to him now. My daughter has imaginary friends and the school counselor wants us to schedule an appointment witha psychologist. My week has been a disaster. I have worked 60 hours and not gotten any of my work done. I am expected to do my work along with the work of everyone else on my team. After work I come home to a disaster of a house filled with people that do not share my sense of cleanliness. I take the kids to activities that they do not care about. I have to pay money for these activities and volunteer my time when my kids goof off and do not pay attention. My new job sucks. It is worse than my old job, and I thought that job was bad. My new boss is the village idiot who thinks that he knows what he is doing. He hits on me all day long and wants me to wear short skirts or my appraisals might not go so well. My vacation was a waste of money. The parks were crowded and we did not even see Mickey. The weather was hot and humid and there were screaming children everywhere. While away all I could think about was all of the work piling up back home. My sister is addicted to reality tv. She has 5 kids with 7 possible daddys. She is about to get thrown out of her apartment and wants to move in with us. " How would we like to hear one of those answers? Or would we rather hear "I'm fine". How do we get to know someone unless they answer truthfully? And how do people get to know us? As an experiment, the next time you are asked one of those questions, give the truthful answer and watch their reaction. I think they will be surprised. If they do not run away, I think that answer will lead to a much deeper conversation and a better relationship with that person.
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1 comment:
The people who know me really well not I am NOT a fan of small talk. I'm just not interested because the parties to the conversation both know neither one of them cares to hear the answer. Plus, I'm a "glass is half-empty" person and I don't think people want to hear it. I don't sugar coat anything, and that's off-putting to most people, especially if they live by the rule that you shouldn't say anything if you don't have anything nice to say.
It's just awkward so I'd rather not even participate. The good thing is that I married a person who has never met a stranger in his entire life, so we balance each other out. :)
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